Dreaming Awake
by nil from hell
Summary: Murata Ken, pre-series.


Title: Dreaming Awake

Author: nil from hell

Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou

Pairings/Characters: Murata

Warnings: None

Summary: Murata Ken, pre-series

* * *

He stared at the test paper, bored. _Who was the third emperor of Japan and what year did his rule begin?_ the paper asked of him. It wasn't like he didn't know. He had been in Japan in that era.

'_Shotoku Taishi_', he wrote carefully in the provided space, '_609_'.

He had learned by now that it was better not to draw attention. When his grades got too high, people made a fuss. When they got low... It was just easier that way. His parents this time didn't expect much from him, anyway. They already thought he was crazy. Having to see a 'special doctor' made him 'crazy'.

Murata didn't care that much. It was nice to have one constant stretched between two lifetimes.

At least, more than the obvious. There was always one constant, ever since the beginning. Shinou. It always came down to Shinou, no matter what lifetime he was living in.

He turned his test in, half-blank, the first in the class, and easily met his teacher's disapproving gaze once her eyes skimmed over the first page of his half-assed answers. At his desk, he put his head down and closed his eyes.

Falling asleep in class wouldn't help, though. The memories were even more vivid in his dreams. Fortunately, he was excused from class early for an appointment with his 'special doctor'.

Maybe being crazy wasn't so bad. At least he wasn't getting burned alive.

* * *

He felt comfortable with Dr. Rodriguez. Maybe he should have felt uncomfortable, since in his last life there had been something between them, but Dr. Rodriguez had never tried to pressure him into anything like that. He was a different person now. He was Murata Ken. That last life ended already.

Dr. Rodriguez was probably the only person who understood that.

Murata stubbornly stared out the window. The television was on, but he was in a mood. They didn't always have sessions. Going to Dr. Rodriguez was something of an escape. He could mostly do whatever he wanted.

The doctor glanced up from playing with one of his Gundam models, looking critically at Murata.

"You'll probably be going back soon, you know. It's been a while, right? Shin Makoku..."

If it had been anyone else, Murata would have stubbornly insisted that he was _Murata Ken_ and _Murata Ken_ had never been to Shin Makoku before. But it was Dr. Rodriguez, and Murata was feeling homesick.

"I haven't met him yet. The sun." Murata shifted, resting his cheek in palm. He was losing faith, anyway. Maybe the best he could hope for was being born in Shin Makoku in his next life. Sometimes he contemplated killing himself to speed the process along. Shinou wouldn't be happy with that.

Shinou always got his damned way.

Murata tried to stifle a yawn, but of course the doctor noticed right away.

"You haven't been sleeping again?" Even if he was such a childish man, he was observant and well-meaning.

Murata slid down on the couch a bit, his head sliding down to the arm of it.

"I've been dreaming," he said vaguely. Dr. Rodriguez would understand- well enough, at least.

* * *

The last time he'd been born in the other world was two lifetimes before he was Christine. That time, he'd been born in a small, human territory- not even in Shin Makoku. There was no strong rule in the land and it endured persistent violence from neighbouring countries, and bandits from within.

He had become something of a bandit, himself. It didn't matter. Throughout so many lives, Murata had learned that he could do things no matter what and get away with it. He was smart enough. He _always_ got away with it. He never felt that the laws of others applied to him.

He didn't obey anybody but Shinou.

During that lifetime, he had left his home and journeyed to Shin Makoku. He was a human, though, and he was despised by the Mazoku he crossed paths with. Even if he told them who he was, who would believe him?

He had broken into Shinou's temple, wanting nothing more than to be close to him again. Being close could almost be enough. He didn't make it even that far, though.

After being captured, he was ruthlessly interrogated, starved, and eventually executed by beheading. Even while he was being held in the dungeons of the castle, he took comfort in residing in the land that had forsaken itself to Shinou's care.

* * *

When it was time for the next school year to start, it was Dr. Rodriguez, not his parents, who encouraged him to do better in school. It wasn't a matter of studying, of course. He had no difficulties there. He studied histories of every imaginable culture in his spare time as it was. Not only was he fascinated by history, but...

It was so interesting to see how the facts became distorted by those in power and by the ruthlessness of time.

On the doctor's advice, then, he stopped getting mediocre grades and began to excel. Dr. Rodriguez was sure he would meet that person soon. Murata wasn't nearly as confident, but changing his personality wasn't that difficult. It was a little bit like being a chameleon by now, except that when it came down to it, he could never be sure who he really was anymore.

His parents didn't notice anything. He was at _that age._ Going through puberty was less confusing, in theory, since he'd been through it so many times, but somehow he wasn't ever quite prepared for the changes in his moods. This time, it worked to his benefit. He became who he needed to be, easily.

In order to find the sun...

It was what Shinou wanted, so he would perservere.

* * *

There was someone interesting in his class. There was a presence about him. It wasn't subtle at all. It was maryoku- powerful maryoku. Murata observed him from afar, realising almost immediately that he hadn't had an actual friend in a few lifetimes. It was just easier to be alone if he couldn't be himself in the first place.

So he didn't make any attempt to befriend the Mazoku in his class. It might not even be him, anyway. He was a boring baseball player. He got bullied for his lunch money. He was perfectly average in every way. Murata didn't even bother to tell Dr. Rodriguez about him.

It might not be him. False hope was too much. He could be a regular teenage boy- he _was_, he was _Murata Ken_, now- or he could continue chasing after the sun.

Chasing after the sun was getting tiring, though, and solitude wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The moon was a cold place, after all, and the world only needed one sun.


End file.
